Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
