I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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