I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
