if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
