Barsexuality is the new black.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
