why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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