I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
