I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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