I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
