I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
