In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
