I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Houston, we have a squirter
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
