Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
