I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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