How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
