I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
