It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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