return my video game
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
