I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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