I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
