Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
