What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
