my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
