I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
