I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Randomize
