Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize