And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
