Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
