I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
