Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
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