Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
