there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
We left the knife in your bed.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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