You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
