In the future we'll all be gay
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
