We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
it was like having sex with a tree stump
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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