did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
