Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
