In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
