its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
