I puked a lego.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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