I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
