I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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