so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Four minutes until I can fart!
Princesses don't give blow jobs
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
