Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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