cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
