roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
