I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
