I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
