8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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