everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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