Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
