My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
