he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
