I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
