My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
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