as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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