well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
