I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
