I could have mohawked her pubes.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
