How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize