i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
