he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
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