I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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