Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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