When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
