hell yes lets make some ravioli
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Why are your pants in the freezer?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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