...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
