I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
