i will never coherently bang her
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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