I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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