i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Randomize
