I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
