Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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