she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
