did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
