She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
did i walk over a car last night?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
