...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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